You’ll be amazed at how smoothly everything goes.
Not-so-fun fact: About 42% of marriages in the United States are end in divorce.
Leading a happy relationship with the future is not easy. Sometimes, it’s because the two of you aren’t compatible. Other times, you could have succeeded, but fell behind.
it’s normal. that happens. Relationships take effort.
If you don’t put it in, they won’t last — or even worse, you’ll be stuck in an unhappy, sexless marriage that makes both of you miserable. You either fight constantly or live separate lives, being together on paper, but not in mind, body, and spirit. It has happened to me too.
Once I started watching the men around me and reflecting on my past, I realized we all had the same tendencies and fell into the same traps.
Here are the most common things that you need to avoid so that you can have a loving relationship that will be a source of support, energy, and happiness.
No. 1: Misunderstanding what conflict is
Even the best relationships bring hard times.
Before my grandparents died, they were married for over 50 years – and had a lot of disagreements. Planting another tree in an already full garden? Do you eat home cooked pasta for lunch every day? Going on an expensive vacation? Small issues can turn into big issues quickly, but a simple approach helped them get through and strengthened the relationship in the process.
“It’s not you against the other, but the two of you against the problem.”
I know what it’s like when your partner turns you on — no one can push your buttons like someone you love.
But the conflict is not about who is right. It’s not about you as a person. It’s also not about the damned spaghetti. It is about getting over it together.
When you don’t agree, it’s an opportunity to grow stronger together.
This does not mean that you should neglect your needs or try to make your partner happy all the time.
This means that you have both The same problem – And you need a middle ground.
That’s why in every disagreement, you should follow these guidelines:
- Don’t make it personal. We all have our perks and quirks. Good. Don’t try to change your partner but find a way to get better together.
- Stop using the terms “true” and “false.”It’s not about whether you have better opinions or can convince your partner to do something. “Winning” in an argument often means losing in a relationship.
- Always ask, “What is our problem and what are our needs?”This framework alone will help you create more understanding and pave the way to a solution.
Conflict is nothing but a test. Relationships will challenge you to the brink of your abilities and beyond. Gather your forces and you will succeed in this.
This is how you build a strong relationship.
#2: Ditch the courts process
Most men view relationships the wrong way.
During the courtship process, they have to work. Ask on a date, plan dates, and be funny. When they get into a relationship, it feels like the effort has paid off – and they can finally relax and have fun.
But actually, I’m just getting started.
The moment you stop flirting with your partner is the moment your relationship starts to go downhill. This doesn’t mean you have to do all the work forever – it’s a two-way street. But if you back out, they will, too.
When one of my ex-boyfriends was living with me, we had a lot of arguments. Instead of planning amazing dates, I wanted to watch Netflix with her because it caused less headaches and drama. Needless to say, the relationship did not last long.
If you stop flirting, it shows that you aren’t making an effort anymore so they don’t have to either.
- Plan surprise dates. Few things will get your partner more excited than a “Pick you up at 7 p.m., wear something cool.” text.
- tease and flirt. Keeps attraction and sexual tension high.
- Make an effort and put in the time. Life is busy, but you decide your priorities.
Take the helm. If you feel like your partner isn’t reciprocating the effort, talk about it.
#3: Settle down and let yourself go
It’s up to you if you age like a fine wine – or like a wilted grape.
It is possible to still be very attractive as you get older. My dad is in his fifties now – still in great shape, has hobbies, passions, a good circle of friends, and works on himself. Women of almost all ages turn their heads.
However, I see many men in their 30s with beer bellies, no hobbies outside of work, and as ambitious as a dead goat. One of my friends gained over 50 pounds after he started a relationship — and even more after they got married.
Stop caring and buy a VIP ticket to a city Unleash yourself.
It is disrespectful to yourself and your partner. You shape their public image when you’re out with them as much as they make themselves up and present themselves. It is disrespectful to live an unhealthy lifestyle that will lead to avoidable health problems in your home. He. She He is Respect for staying on top of your health.
- Exercise and eat a healthy diet. You’d be surprised how long you can stay fit – there are interesting 60-year-old men out there who are strong, capable and efficient.
- Maintain your passions and hobbies. Enjoy your private life – it keeps your mind sharp, creates a social circle, and gives you plenty to talk about. All attractive qualities in a long term relationship.
- Stay motivated and pursue a goal. It energizes you, which will spill over into other areas of your life.
Relationships are not accomplishments. You cannot unlock them once and then reap the benefits forever. You have to pay the rent.
Keep yourself physically and mentally fit.
#4: Losing your sense of self and becoming dependent on the relationship
A relationship between two people is greater than the sum of its parts – but only on one condition.
You cannot lose yourself in a relationship.
My ex-best friend has fallen into this trap more times than I can count. With each girlfriend, he gave up his hobbies, passions, and friends to just spend time with her. This led to a host of issues.
First, he became dependent on the relationship. If things were going well, he was happy. If they weren’t, his entire life would have been affected. This was not healthy because he linked his emotional state to someone else’s behaviors.
Secondly, I burned both of them. What seemed like fun at first quickly became a chore. Their time for the couple lost its privacy.
When they broke up, a huge hole left him — no friends, no hobbies, no sense of self, nothing.
Don’t make the same mistake.
However, it is a good balance. Neglecting your partner and the relationship in your favor isn’t the holy grail either. You just fall off the other side of the cliff.
So what can you do instead?
- Be present when you spend time together. Don’t be there physically but not mentally. Do what you have to do, but then give your full attention. One hour of being present is worth more than three hours of being somewhere else with your thoughts.
- Know that you cannot pour from an empty cup. To show up in a relationship, you have to show up for yourself first. Don’t neglect your life or your needs.
- Prioritize the relationship, not your partner. If you are making a decision, ask yourself what is best for your connection.
Never forget that you are your first priority – only then can you emerge from a position of strength for others.
Avoid these traps to have a happy and supportive relationship
A good relationship is smooth sailing most of the time.
However, you have to build a sturdy ship to sail the seas when the ocean gets rough. This starts with yourself. You are the one who steers the ship and inspires your partner to be there for you.
This doesn’t mean you have to do all the work yourself – but if you slow down, you sink the ship.
To avoid this, stay away from these common traps that men often fall into:
- misunderstanding conflict. It’s not about right or wrong, it’s about solving a problem together.
- Let go of the flirting process. A relationship isn’t an “end goal” that you can reach and then forget about – you need to keep it alive with effort.
- Settle in and let yourself go. Show each other some respect – being in a relationship is no excuse for not working on yourself anymore.
- You lose your sense of self. It strains your connection because you’ve become dependent on it – you’ll be in a terrible spot when things go awry.
Build a strong relationship and you will get through life’s toughest storms together.